I’m in the middle of some tough talks with our two older kids. The oldest one “knows” pretty much everything and the 10 year old is quickly learning. It has made for some very awkward conversations around my house. Unfortunately for me, I am actually the least awkward parent, so most of these conversations end up in my lap.
We were discussing something the other day and Addison asked if we should get dad. Trey quickly yelled, “no…he will just make it even more weird.” so I was left fending the hard questions. This is no surprise if you know both of us, but still. It can get brutal sometimes.
Recently, Addison and I were talking and she asked me what would happen if her and Trey did a certain something. She picked out a scenario and wanted to know if we would still love them. It shocked me that she would even consider that and I said, “of course.” I told her there was nothing she could do that would take away our love. I told her we may not agree with decisions, etc but we would always be there for her.
In true 10 year old fashion, that completely satisfied her and she went on about her business of listening to Harry Potter. But, I kept thinking about it. And while what I said was completely true, do we really act like it’s the truth?
Stick with me. It’s hard not to wrap our self worth up completely in our kids. How they act, how they dress, how they talk, etc. Just last night, we bought 3 of our kids Wicked tickets and they acted like the ungrateful kids they can be. And it really irritated me. I found myself embarrassed and completely regretting my decision to buy a couple of them a ticket.
But, when the show began, they acted amazed and enthralled like I knew they would. All was right in the world. Their behavior matched my expectations and mama was happy.
But, what happens when that behavior doesn’t match our expectations? When things look so differently for our kids than we thought they would? I was talking to someone one time and she said something I will never forget. This mom had to grieve the life she thought her child would have. And that is okay to do.
If my life rises and falls on my children, I am in for a rough ride. If my self worth comes from the behavior of my children, I will be depressed a lot. If I spend my time obsessing over my children and what their future looks like, I will get little else done.
I was talking to a mom one time, and she was obsessing over messing something up. Without really thinking, I told her, “you are not that powerful.” And it’s the truth. We really aren’t. These kids are entrusted to us, and we have to do the best we can. We surround them in love, teach them how to care, and point everything they do back to Christ.
But there comes a point when you realize life may not turn out how you thought it would. I never dreamed J.O. and I would alternate sleeping with a child every night (and their biology can only be blamed on us), yet here we are. Living the dream.
Teach your kids the hard things. Answer the hard questions. But, love the way you’ve been loved in Christ. Praise God He doesn’t walk away from us when we embarrass Him. Or act differently than He would like. Or make terrible choices. Or I would be alone. A lot.