Why do I keep doing the very thing I don’t want to do?

I’ve been thinking a lot about why we do things we don’t want to do. For instance, I don’t have a deep desire to get so sucked into the Bachelor that my weeks revolve around Monday night. But yet it happens. I also don’t envision myself watching said show with a package of Oreos in my lap. But there they are.

I also don’t plan to yell at my kids, but before I know what’s happening I hear things like: “If you don’t pick up your clothes, you’re grounded for a month.” Let’s be real…..that’s never gonna happen. The picking up of clothes OR the grounding for a month. And we all know it.

But here I am…..doing and saying the same things over and over again. The things I say I won’t do again, I continue to do.

Paul had this same problem as well. You know, Paul from the Bible. That makes me feel a little better. Even Paul continued to do the very thing he didn’t want to do.

So, if we apply this to our own life, why are we so quick to judge this very thing in others. I’ve thought a lot about our birth parents navigating the system. Navigating a system that means well, but is hard for anyone to navigate, let alone someone battling addictions, poverty, and mental illness.

I was talking to Henry’s mom the other day and realized the massive hurdle she is facing finding a job when she’s released. I’ve been asking around and keep getting the same answer….”yes, we have a lot of programs that will hire unskilled labor. Things like sanitation, late night clean up after concerts, physical labor, and so forth.” Now, don’t get me wrong…these are good programs.

But, for someone already battling physical pain and addiction, it’s probably not the best idea for her to be in a labor type job. When I’m on my feet all day, the first thing I want when I get home is a stiff Tylenol and melatonin. These are my drugs of choice.

However, that looks very different when that’s not your drug of choice. It looks like relapsing and doing the very thing you don’t want to do. It looks like a statistic and we can’t figure out why they can’t break this habit, or remain clean.

As a Christian, it looks like me constantly asking for help to navigate the things in life that I can’t seem to give up. It looks like a support system, a church family, a loving husband, etc.

Peter (the disciple, not the bachelor) cried out for help with this very issue. Maybe we should realize that if he struggled with it, we are guaranteed to have a hard time. Perhaps it’s time to recognize the struggle. Call it out. Get some accountability. Open up your walls to those around you. Invite them to your table.

And for goodness sakes; quit putting certain expectations on people who are thrown back into the exact situation that got them there in the first place.

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