Who’s Your One…

I’ve written, and scrapped, two posts recently because I couldn’t figure out how to put my thoughts into words. The first one came out so vague that even I got bored reading it, and the second post was way too “holier than thou.”

However, I think I’ve finally been able to put it into words. I hope.

We recently had a series at church titled, “Who’s Your One?” It was about someone you know you need to connect with, all in the name of Christ. It may be someone that needs the hope of Jesus, it may be someone you need to make things right with, it may be someone in your family you need to minister to, etc. Someone that needs reached.

While I was sitting in church I knew who one of my people needed to be: Henry’s mom.

Several months ago, I asked our staff to pray with me about all our kids biological parents. I wanted them to pray about my role in their life and specifically for restoration with Henry’s mom. The dad and I have kept in contact, but not so much with mom. She was always in and out of treatment or jail and we never connected at all in court. There was this overwhelming sense that I was the bad guy, and that I worked with DHS to keep Henry. After all, I had all the advantage.

So, during this time I asked our staff to simply pray for her not to hate me. That was it. I continued to text dad and one day I felt prompted to ask him if she needed money or anything (she’s incarcerated). He told me a little money on her card would be great so I took it a step farther. I told him to please let her know she was welcome to reach out anytime.

One thing led to another, and the mom and I started communicating. Then, as the Lord often does, this sermon series started at church. So, I did what any good Christian would do….I decided I would pray harder for her. Maybe we could chat about church on the phone, but what else could be done? She’s incarcerated and I’m not. Our paths just wouldn’t cross. I could love her from afar, but should probably choose someone local to “witness” to.

Even as I type it, I realize how hypocritical this sounds. I had asked the staff to pray for our relationship, I was convinced she was “my one,” but I wasn’t willing to do anything hard.

So, one day I asked if she would like for me to visit. She was very honest that it made her extremely nervous and scared, but the answer was a resounding yes. I sent in my application to visit and added Henry to the list too. She was always too scared to ask me if I would bring him, but I knew she was hopeful. I think deep down she really never thought we would actually come.

My application was approved pretty quickly, and last Sunday I loaded Henry up for the 2 hour drive to visit. We went into the room and I really wanted to puke. So many questions were racing through my mind. Would she hate me? Would Henry willingly go to her? Would she judge me? And so on, and so on.

Instead, I walked in and there was just a mom sitting there. A mom who has had a terribly hard life. Made some terribly dumb choices. And walked a terribly different road. But still just a mom. She was desperate to hear all about Henry. She also wanted me to understand her past a little better. There’s a ton of regret and guilt about things that only time will be able to heal.

I’m not going to lie. I did not expect to leave the way I did. I went because I was convicted I needed to quit praying at arms length. I thought we would have a great visit, she would decide to totally lean on Jesus, and BOOM….life changed, dust off hands, walk out the door.

But, I’m the one that left completely different. I left LOVING this woman. I really did. I was sitting across from someone who’s life choices while pregnant are the reason Henry will have a lot of challenges. But the amazing thing is……I didn’t blame her one bit.

For 2 hours on a Sunday, I was able to catch a TINY glimpse of the love Christ has for me. There was no blame, no condemnation, no judging, nothing. Just grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Will I continue the relationship? I hope so. It’s the healthiest thing I could do for Henry. Will there be a lot of responsibility on her when she’s released? Yes. It’s why I tried email contact with Anna and Grace’s parents but unfortunately had to stop.

There’s no perfect or easy solution. But I do know this. Sometimes God calls us to pray for people from our seat. And sometimes we have to do it while getting up and getting uncomfortable.

Pole Dancing….

I have a confession. The halftime show was on in my house and I didn’t turn it off.

Confession #2. I was looking forward to watching J.Lo because I like her. I used to watch the movie, Selena like it was my job and figured this would be a good performance.

However, I never expected her to come out in long pants and a long sleeve shirt and sit in a chair while singing. Never. In fact, it was exactly as I expected it to be. Was it strange and uncomfortable? Yes, at times. Did my kids watch it with me? No. Can I hold my full body weight sideways on a pole? Not even close.

That performance was exactly what I would expect from a secular sport, a secular arena, and coming from a secular mindset. There hasn’t been a Super Bowl performance in recent years that has been equal to a Sunday morning service by Kanye West. Unless I just missed it. Even the men people are yelling for to come back don’t have song lyrics I want my 6 year old singing.

It amazes me when Christians expect non-Christians to act the way we are called to act. Equally as amazing are the same people yelling about this performance, but overlooking this behavior in others.

Do I think these women have to flaunt their bodies this way to be successful? Well, to be quite honest, it appears they do. It got them what they wanted and a lot of money for doing it.

Would I want my body on display in the same way? NO. In fact, I’m getting uncomfortable just thinking about it. But…..I’m coming from a completely different mindset. I’m coming from the mindset of an outspoken, born again, Christ follower. My standard of approval is quite different.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m raising two Hispanic girls and although I hope they have pride in who they are, I hope they do it with their clothes on. I hope they stand up for the marginalized, educate on the injustices of the world, be bold in their faith, etc. All while fully clothed.

But, I feel like there’s a lot of people that need to hear this. The Super Bowl half-time show will not be family friendly next year. Go ahead and have a plan. Change the channel, turn it off, whatever you need to do. It will have lyrics that aren’t glorifying to the Lord, it will have dancing that is sexual, it will have men and women grabbing themselves. It just will.

And if that person on the stage is Beth Moore dancing like that….I will jump on the outraged bandwagon. But if it’s a secular performer, at a secular event, who is paid millions of dollars to entertain, I will turn off the tv.

Unless maybe if it’s Justin Timberlake.

Maybe you shouldn’t adopt….

If you’ve read any of my past posts, you know I’ve struggled with my view of adoption. I have ultimately concluded that God loves adoption, but it will never be perfect. It was not the original plan for the family. God’s original plan would mean addictions, systematic poverty, abuse and neglect all cease to exist.

But unfortunately, we don’t live in a world where that is the reality. So adoption must exist.

However, you can’t love your child fully without loving their biological family. I’m going to say that again slower. You can’t love your child fully without loving their biological family.

Let me clarify. In our house we have 3 sets of parents total. One of these sets parent daily (J.O. and I), and 2 sets are parenting from behind the scenes. Never present in person, but always lurking in spirit. Two sets of these parents are what we consider unstable. Lack of funds, lack of education, lack of ability to ever tell the truth, lack of common sense, NOT a lack of addictions, etc. They are a melting pot of a whole lot of hot mess. And I used to take a much different approach. My approach was….if you ignore them, they don’t exist.

This approach was snotty at best, and hypocritical for sure. Then, my almost 8 year old became more vocal. I will never forget last spring break we went on a cruise to Mexico. The second she stepped off the boat in Cozumel, she asked me if her parents were there. She is basically waiting on the day for me to introduce her to them. There is a hole you can almost see that will not start to be filled until she meets them.

We recently started a journey with Henry’s parents that is uncharted territory to me. It all started with a documentary I watched on Netflix about prison. One thing it talked about was the need for people to have money on their prison cards.

It was fascinating to me how corrupt the system is that we are sending people to, in hopes of helping them not to be corrupt. But that’s a post for another day.

Anyway, I put money on his mom’s card and that has led to some phone conversations and who knows what else.

Now, I understand I don’t owe these parents anything. But, the truth is….Henry’s dad never had a chance. The second Henry entered foster care, it was like climbing up a mountain backwards, naked and blindfolded. And I was climbing right beside him but I had a rope, proper clothes, and a guide. I could navigate the mountain, had plenty of food and water, and people to help me when I got tired. He couldn’t win and there was a child at stake.

Do you have to maintain a relationship with birth parents when you adopt? No. And a lot of times it’s best. We don’t have contact with the girls parents at this time and it’s the right choice. But, if you adopt do you need to love the other parents involved? YES.

Sometimes this love means the best choice is having a relationship. Will it be sticky? Of course? Will it be perfect? Of course not. But neither is adoption. Just don’t start this journey thinking you can completely keep your child oblivious to their past. If you think that…..adoption might not be for you.

Sometimes the only thing making a difference between my mountain climb and theirs, is a rope.

You are not that powerful….

I’m in the middle of some tough talks with our two older kids. The oldest one “knows” pretty much everything and the 10 year old is quickly learning. It has made for some very awkward conversations around my house. Unfortunately for me, I am actually the least awkward parent, so most of these conversations end up in my lap.

We were discussing something the other day and Addison asked if we should get dad. Trey quickly yelled, “no…he will just make it even more weird.” so I was left fending the hard questions. This is no surprise if you know both of us, but still. It can get brutal sometimes.

Recently, Addison and I were talking and she asked me what would happen if her and Trey did a certain something. She picked out a scenario and wanted to know if we would still love them. It shocked me that she would even consider that and I said, “of course.” I told her there was nothing she could do that would take away our love. I told her we may not agree with decisions, etc but we would always be there for her.

In true 10 year old fashion, that completely satisfied her and she went on about her business of listening to Harry Potter. But, I kept thinking about it. And while what I said was completely true, do we really act like it’s the truth?

Stick with me. It’s hard not to wrap our self worth up completely in our kids. How they act, how they dress, how they talk, etc. Just last night, we bought 3 of our kids Wicked tickets and they acted like the ungrateful kids they can be. And it really irritated me. I found myself embarrassed and completely regretting my decision to buy a couple of them a ticket.

But, when the show began, they acted amazed and enthralled like I knew they would. All was right in the world. Their behavior matched my expectations and mama was happy.

But, what happens when that behavior doesn’t match our expectations? When things look so differently for our kids than we thought they would? I was talking to someone one time and she said something I will never forget. This mom had to grieve the life she thought her child would have. And that is okay to do.

If my life rises and falls on my children, I am in for a rough ride. If my self worth comes from the behavior of my children, I will be depressed a lot. If I spend my time obsessing over my children and what their future looks like, I will get little else done.

I was talking to a mom one time, and she was obsessing over messing something up. Without really thinking, I told her, “you are not that powerful.” And it’s the truth. We really aren’t. These kids are entrusted to us, and we have to do the best we can. We surround them in love, teach them how to care, and point everything they do back to Christ.

But there comes a point when you realize life may not turn out how you thought it would. I never dreamed J.O. and I would alternate sleeping with a child every night (and their biology can only be blamed on us), yet here we are. Living the dream.

Teach your kids the hard things. Answer the hard questions. But, love the way you’ve been loved in Christ. Praise God He doesn’t walk away from us when we embarrass Him. Or act differently than He would like. Or make terrible choices. Or I would be alone. A lot.

$1 Because Jesus Loves You….

We recently headed to Texas over Christmas break to see J.O.’s sister and spend some time with family. It was a bit stressful to head out the day after Christmas, but I ended up being thrilled we went. It was fun to watch the kids together and we always enjoy catching up with his sister and brother in law.

On the way home, we stopped at Jason’s Deli to eat lunch. Now, you should know something about us when we travel. We don’t mess around. We are always trying to get home for something. This time, it was to pick up Henry, and our dogs. We left very early that morning and our attire and tired faces reflected that. We looked less than stellar. So our stop at lunch was interesting to say the least. We probably should’ve eaten somewhere like McDonalds, but Jason’s Deli is somewhere we all agree on. The kids ONLY eat there for the free ice cream, but that still makes it a favorite.

We headed into this small town Jason’s and everyone in there had church clothes on. I mean everyone. And they all knew each other and we stood out like a sore thumb. It didn’t bother me at all, I just noticed it immediately. And obviously so did others. Towards the end of our meal, an older lady came over and gave the kids $1 and told them Jesus loves them. Our girls didn’t miss a beat and got super excited for the money, and Addison immediately said back….”well, Jesus loves you too.”

After she left, it hit Addison. She said….”oh, is this because we look like we haven’t been to church.” It surprised me that she picked up on that, but I just said maybe and went on eating my meal. I started thinking about it later. No doubt, this is something she has been encouraged to do. How do I know this? Because if you grew up in the church at all, you have been told to do the same. I will never forget doing this as a part of my youth group challenge. I gave $1 to the Sonic carhop and told her “Jesus loved her.”

Can this be an effective evangelistic tool? Maybe. But, it certainly can’t be our main “go to”. In fact, in certain situations I would argue this causes more harm than good. Refraim it a bit….basically, I am going to give you money to show you Christ’s love. Sucks to be you, but I’ve got $5/$10 to spare and don’t think twice about giving it out. Now, obviously this is exaggerated. Small acts of kindness are awesome and can often go a long way. But, why do we feel the need to make ourselves feel better about telling of Christ’s love by attaching money to it.

This past week, Trey had someone join his friends group chat that started cursing them out. No doubt it was for the shock factor of a new kid trying to shake things up. He was quickly removed from the group and they all started trying to figure out who it was. I actually found out from another parent and told Trey. Trey told me he wasn’t going to tell the kids in the chat, because he didn’t want them mad at this boy or judging him. He indicated the kid had some problems at another school, but Trey had never heard him curse like this. He wanted to give him a chance and thought he was likely just showing out.

Now, Trey could’ve immediately gone back to the chat and ratted this kid out and it would’ve been justified. He was being very rude and the kids had a right to know. But he didn’t. I don’t know where this kid will be long term, but to me that goes a lot further than handing someone a dollar and walking off. Be kind in a restaurant, sure. Open doors, pay for a coffee, pull out a chair, give someone money when prompted, and by all means tell people Jesus loves them.

But, when Jesus becomes something we think we have to bribe others to hear about, we probably need to rethink our motives.

From Duty to Delight

How many of you have seen the news about John Crist? I have to admit, I LOVED John Crist. I thought he was funny, I could relate to 99.9999% of what he said, and I could play the videos with children around. It was the best of both worlds. I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s usually rare for a Christian comedian to be as funny as a secular one. John Crist seemed to have that down.

Then the allegations broke about his sexual misconduct. And then we found out that women had been accusing him of inappropriate behavior for years, but no one listened. Shocker. Honestly, he wasn’t even trying to hide this stuff. Drinking a ton, sexting tons of women, sending graphic videos, and so forth. Truthfully, this man just hid behind the Christian culture and assumed he wouldn’t get caught.

But here’s where I’m having trouble. I’m definitely not one who idolizes Christians and thinks they are immune. In fact, some of the people responsible for hurting those I love most have been “Christians.” But, at what point do we have a responsibility to change the narrative among sexual abuse in the Christian setting? Was John Crist a pastor? No. Was he a spiritual leader? No. Did he use Christianity as an outlet to make a ton of money? Yes.

For those of us who grew up deep in the purity culture, hopefully this will make sense. How many of you remember your youth group meetings going something like this:

Girls: “Remain PURE until marriage.”, “SAVE yourself for your husband.”, “Don’t DEFILE your wedding day.”

Boys: “Once you have sex, you won’t be able to stop.” “Girls will tempt you, so don’t put yourself in a situation you will regret.”

The narrative from an early age was this……girls, don’t make yourself unclean before marriage and guys, don’t do something you can’t stop. It gave the impression for a girl that once she messed up, it was over. She was damaged. Boys were given the impression that they just couldn’t control themselves. After all, they are men for goodness sakes. Boys will be boys.

Do you remember when Paul told people to follow him, because he was following Christ so closely? He felt confident enough to tell people that if they follow him, they would essentially be following Christ. Paul followed Christ out of pure delight.

What if we followed Christ, not out of a sense of obligation, but because He had the very best for us. Because we knew His way would lead us to absolute abundance. It wouldn’t mean things would be easy, or we would be rich, or never get sick, or never experience tragedy, but simply that we would be delighting in the things of Christ.

I’ve mentioned before that I love the story of the woman at the well. I love the idea of someone feeling so discouraged and broken, but leaving with so much hope and amazement. She leaves ready to tell anyone who will listen. To me, that is the picture of pure delight. Whatever law had been imposed on her before, she had clearly not followed. She was sleeping around, living with a man, and had a terrible reputation. And yet, when she decided to follow Christ, things changed. She no longer worried about following this long list of rules and obligations. She simply followed Him.

Our Pastor said something recently that I love. He said he’s praying for us to move from duty to delight.

How amazing would it be as Christians, if our duty turned to delight. Maybe our sons wouldn’t objectify women, because Christ would NEVER objectify women. Maybe our girls wouldn’t feel pressured by society, because Christ sees them as amazing as they are. Maybe Christians would truly be transformed by delighting in Christ. And maybe, just maybe, this narrative of abuse would stop.

Kanye and Christianity

I cannot believe I’m doing this. I’m really writing about Kanye West on a blog that is primarily used to talk about adoption. I felt it happening and just couldn’t stop it.

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve seen lots of news surrounding Kanye West and his recent conversion. Before we keep going though, I feel like I should make a confession. I watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians when I see it on tv. Okay, maybe I actually turn on the tv Sunday nights at 8:00 to catch the newest episodes. In my defense, I rarely make it through an entire episode. I typically give up when I realize there is truly nothing new to keep up with.

All that being said…..his change has played out slowly on the show over the past few months. From telling Kim her dress was too revealing, to wanting to spend more time at home. The change was subtle, but there.

And then he released his first Christian album and started doing interviews on the change in his life. And shockingly, he sounded like a new man. From the rhythm in his voice, to the scripture he was quoting (accurately I might add), he seemed different.

And the world had no clue what to do. How do we reconcile a rapper who seemingly overnight gave his life to Christ? Where do we go with that?

So, we did what only we can do. Joined a camp. There was a camp that started sharing everything he said…..just daring someone to argue. And another camp that started feverishly writing articles combating this “fake” Christianity and warning against it.

And then it came out that Joel Osteen invited him to his church. And the skeptics had proven their point. What kind of truly God fearing man would head to the church of prosperity gospel? Point proven. End of story.

Never mind the fact that I must have missed the invites from the mega churches we deem “theologically sound enough” for him to attend.

I read something on Twitter the other day that made me laugh and cringe at the same time. It said, “We just need a picture of Beth Moore hugging Kanye West to break Christian twitter.”

Kanye West and I have next to nothing in common. For starters, I’m not a wealthy, African American, male rapper. But, we do have this in common. A complete life change from Jesus Christ. The kind that literally changes the direction you are on, the way you talk, the way you act, and the priorities you have. It changes you.

But, here’s the difference. I’m not famous. No one was publicly judging me. People weren’t dissecting every word I said and sorting through the validity. And, when God used our story of foster care and adoption, no one pulled out the “This must be fake.” card, or “I knew Tamra before and this is a ploy.” or “She’s only doing this for publicity”, etc. etc.

The conversion of Saul in the Bible has always been amazing to me. Just the background of Saul and the magnitude of this. For the people who grew up with Saul, this would have been confusing and miraculous all in the same breath. People were skeptical, but curious.

I’m not comparing the conversion of Saul to Kanye West. I don’t know enough of his personal conversion story to make any assumptions. But, I am saying this. Praise God I am not judged on my past. Let’s don’t elevate Kanye to a status that celebrates WHEN he fails. Because, make no mistake…..he will fail and mess up. Just like me and you. Let’s just make sure we aren’t there to cheer when he does.

Luke 15:10: “In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels, when even one sinner repents.”

The Story You Tell…..

I read on Facebook recently, that FASD awareness only exists because adoptive moms are willing to tell their kids stories. That because WE weren’t the ones with the alcohol problem, we are happy to share about it openly.

It really made me think.

Would I be so willing to share if I were the one to drink throughout my pregnancy? Is it easier to go before my child and advocate publicly, because I didn’t “cause” this? I really wanted to think there was no truth in that.

However, one day I was talking to a healthcare professional and asked if I should give my sons diagnosis when speaking to his providers. She looked at me for a few seconds and said, “Absolutely. It’s not fair for him if you don’t. He deserves for you to advocate for him.”

Last night, one of my daughters had a volleyball party in a small room at Larry’s Pizza. It was loud. It was overwhelming. And it didn’t take long for Henry to become a level 10. Unfortunately, when he throws a fit, he decides to bite himself. Hard. There’s nothing I can do to stop it, so we just have to wait it out and pull his arms away (enter throwing ranch, pizza, paci, etc).

However, last night was the first time this behavior embarrassed me. Typically, we are only with close friends and honestly, my kids have to be off the chain crazy to embarrass me in front of them. Our “fake front” was shattered a long time ago, and there is no preconceived notion of “normal” any longer. But, the people last night aren’t around me often. I felt like I still had a shot with them. Until the biting began. That will really throw normal out the window every time. People just don’t know what to do when a child bites themself. And who can blame them….

I actually felt myself tearing up and then realized how ridiculous I was acting. If my approval of others is tied to a 22 month old, I am in trouble. I might as well stay home, homeschool, drop out of church, only do delivery groceries, stitch fix for the entire family, etc.

That made me think about what the Facebook post said. That we are only raising awareness because we aren’t the cause. I’ve decided that person was just grossly uneducated. No, of course last night I didn’t stand on the table yelling, “nothing to see here….he has brain damage adversely caused by drinking a lot while pregnant.”

What I did do, was manage the situation and leave as soon as possible. The same as any parent would do with a hot tempered 2 year old.

But, that has nothing to do with raising awareness. You know why? Because there are times women just need to be told what could happen. Because the stigma of coming forward and saying, “I can’t stop drinking and just got pregnant”…..needs to stop. Because when children are born with FASD, it does no good then to blame the moms. It’s too late. But, wouldn’t it be worth it to have supports in place?

We all have a story. Some stories are more colorful and detailed than others, but we still have one. And they are indeed our own personal story to tell. It’s why very few people know details of Annalise and Grace’s birth family and adoption. Because it’s their story to tell. However, Annalise has craniosynostosis and everyone involved in her care at school knows it. Why? Because if she falls off the monkey bars, it’s a bigger deal than if Addison or Grace falls.

Same with Henry. Few people know the details surrounding his adoption, but people who care for him need to know he has FAS. Why? Shouldn’t that be private? Maybe so. Maybe that’s what you would do as his mother. But for me…..not giving him the supports he needs, would be like expecting a child in a wheelchair to climb the stairs.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to this. There is no perfect answer. We live in an imperfect world. Just remember, advocating for your children is quite different than broadcasting their story for all to hear. Or, using their private moments for your personal gain. But, don’t compare a medical diagnosis to a private story. Just because it makes you uncomfortable.

Love at First “Adopted” Sight….

No doubt, most of you have seen the precious girl on Facebook talking about the first time she met her adopted parents. She made this cute little symbol over her heart, and talked about how her heart loved her parents the moment she saw them.

It’s extremely cute. And very obvious why that thing went viral. I wanted to scoop her up myself and carry her around on my hip. The skeptical part of me wonders how long this took to capture? Seriously, was mom holding up a white board with words? Or had they practiced? I mean, I like to think we are a funny and cute family, but when I start recording my kids they typically start singing about poop.

She communicated so clearly, and it seemed to be the perfect “idea” of adoption. The one we all want to see. Which is likely why people kept sharing it. We want to think of adoption this way. It’s so much easier and less messy.

The reality is, fostering/adopting is much different. For a 4 year old that walks into my home for the first time, there may be a very strong maternal instinct that kicks in. And it says, “I am going to protect this child with every ounce of my being, and I pity the person who gets in the way.” It’s why foster parents inadvertently tick off DHS workers all the time. We are working under a maternal instinct that others don’t have for this child. But it may feel different than love.

Here is the ugly truth about adoption: It’s okay if a 4 year old didn’t meet you, and love you, in their heart immediately. Or maybe they did, but they’ve still never articulated it perfectly. It’s okay if you adopted a teen and that teenager STILL won’t call you mom. It’s okay if you adopted a newborn, and bonded way faster than when you adopted an older child. It’s okay if your adoption failed and you still blame yourself.

We’ve adopted young children. Whom I love with that deep kind of love that makes you so vulnerable. In every sense of the word, we have a fairytale adoption. My children were infants, or toddlers, and being mom was natural. But, it’s not always that way. And it may not always be that easy for us. And man, we hate to talk about that part.

To the adoptive and foster moms out there who don’t think they can do one more day. You can. To the moms out there feeling guilty because it wasn’t “love at first sight”, like my friend Christina likes to say, you are doing great. To the moms who saw this video and wondered what was wrong with you, you aren’t alone.

Adoption is great. And messy. And not perfect. And hard. And more times than not, our children don’t “love us in their hearts.” In fact, they can’t stand us. They want to punch us. They want to run away. They want their “real” mom. Or “real” dad. But that doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t make you less than a mother.

You are more than worthy. You are currently in the palm of a God who loves you even when you don’t understand or feel it. You are sought after and set apart. And even when things don’t turn out the way you thought….He isn’t surprised. And He is there to pick you up, dust you off, and help you try again.

Last night, I was yelling at my dear 10 year old when I realized my son was on video chat with his quiz bowl team. They were likely listening to our crazy, instead of naming Presidents, (or whatever it is quiz bowl kids do). So, I immediately dialed down the crazy and hoped for the best. All that to say this…..you may not have a cute video of a child telling you they love you. Your videos may actually contain more cursing than cute, but know this…….you are so loved. And you are killing this mom thing.

Does God Love Adoption?

Several few months ago, I found myself in a Facebook group that is pretty anti-adoption. The group probably started with good intentions. It was started to educate people about how adoption really affects everyone. Adoption is not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s really not. And for that…..the group was good for me.

However, as time went on, I found myself becoming a little more like them. I was becoming pretty skeptical about adoption in general. Which is funny, since 3 of my children are a result of adoption. I found myself feeling guilty that my kids were with me. I started wondering if I should’ve just invited the bio families to move in and cared for all of them. Honestly, it became quite ridiculous.

The truth is, I was listening to a few voices that controlled the group. It’s kinda like only seeing a family in Facebook pictures. We choose not to show what we don’t want others to see. Not to mention, these ladies were not looking through the eyes of a believer. In fact, not only were they not believers, they were pretty anti-Christian.

Last weekend, I went to a retreat with other foster and adoptive moms. It’s always a great time to relax, eat well, and catch up with friends. Not to mention, it’s the only place where we have the “smaller” family. 5 kids is the norm, not the exception.

However, several times this weekend I was thinking about God and adoption. Comments were made like: “God knew I needed this child.” or “God chose this child for me.” and I know why this was said. When we are in impossibly hard situations, it is so comforting to know we are still in the palm of God’s hand. Even if we don’t understand. Or, agree. Or, if it makes us mad. Or, if we don’t really believe it….

I found myself wrestling with what I truly believe about God and adoption. I’ve been reading articles, looking up Scripture, and staying away from the crazy Facebook page. And here is what I have determined……

God LOVES these children. More than we could ever imagine. He loves them so much, I am convinced the church will be held accountable for our lack of urgency in this area. However, I think this looks differently than I envisioned. My initial view of adoption, was simply the obvious choice over abortion. Black and white, really. However, it’s more than that. For the church to really get this right, there are so many things that need to change.

Women need to stop feeling shamed for terrible decisions. When Jesus met the woman at the well, her life was so changed (for the better), that she immediately ran back to her village and told everyone she met. Now, I’m no Bible scholar, but I have to think the first men she met at the village gates, weren’t the most impressed with her. They probably judged her like the rest of the people. However, that didn’t stop her. What she had encountered with Jesus was worth MORE than any ridicule or judgement they might pour on her. Imagine if our Jesus had the same effect, because others saw the change in us? Maybe abortion wouldn’t seem to be the only choice anymore? Maybe families could be changed?

Adoption is so messy. It really is. As a church we have to start embracing families. Of all kinds. There will always be families that end up broken and children are adopted as a result. But, I have to think that if our church had more community within communities……maybe more families could make it.

Adoption is a strong theme throughout the Old and New Testament. Sure, it looked different. It looked more like Moses in a basket in the Nile, and less like a postcard in front of a courthouse. But, I think I have to conclude this….

God loves us. So much that He sent His son to die for us. So that we could be adopted into His family. No matter what our past consists of. No matter what scars we have. No matter what hurts we carry. No matter what. Period.

So does God love adoption? Yes. I think He loves when we extend to others, what He extended to us. In a fallen world with broken and hurting people, adoption has been given as a way to restore children into families. Was it God’s original plan for the family? Of course not. But praise God, He made a way. He knew we would mess up.

If He feels this way, shouldn’t we all? The answer is yes. Foster care and adoption is not an option as Christ followers. It’s a command. Because if you love God, you love what He loves. And He loves adoption.